I give up

So apparently my brain is not functioning or in the mood to write poetry so I admit my defeat to the 30 day poetry challenge. 

You win.

I shall go on though... and over at Ha ha. Wait. What? there is yet another 30 day blog challenge that I shall do instead. Just for shits and giggles... 

So here goes...

Day 1 - A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was.

...well crap

This is the only recent picture of me by myself... baiting the hook that would catch my first fish :)

Any hoo... how my day was?

Well, that story would have to start with last evening at 10:30 when I lost power and was sweating my ass off trying to sleep. Apparently my body doesn't like to be that hot and will not relax and just sleep... This soon turned into hour after hour of the people of Centerpoint Energy telling us it will only be an hour... 

Four times we were told it would only be an hour...

So when Centerpoint Energy finally decided to turn our power back on at 4am I was beyond tired and dreading the day ahead.

At 8am my alarm went off as usual and I pounded to snooze button into submission, for 10 more minutes anyway. This process was repeated 8 times, as well as dismissing phone calls and any other noises that were disturbing my minimal amount of slumber. Finally, at around 9:30am, I dragged myself out of bed, grabbed a Dr Pepper and a cigarette and attempted to wake up. 

I arrived at work 2 minutes late (which isn't a big deal) and was immediately told that a customer would be back in 30 minutes to get her cake which was supposed to be done already. So I had about 20 minutes to draw a guitar on a cake. Fun. Half asleep and irritable, I get to work. Rushed. The result was not my best...

... but the customer was pleased.

Right about the time I was boxing up this cake, I received a text from a friend asking if her cake was finished.

No. It's not. I was told 2pm... apparently that had changed and it needed to be done earlier. So once again I am rushing to make a freakin Slot Machine and at this point I hate my life. 

I finish the cake and I hate it. But she liked it. I think I might be too much of a perfectionist... but whatever. I'm just in a foul mood and no longer care.

My work, for some strange reason decides to make everybody pizza. My stomach appreciates this. It's time for a break before I kill someone. So I grab a slice and head outside to read a short story written by a "friend" (aka some person that I only know through Google+) and try to chill out for a moment.

Some dumb bitch decides it would be a good idea to approach me with the question "how old are you?" followed by "why do you smoke?" followed by 10 minutes of lecturing me on how bad smoking is for my health and that I'm taking 10 years off my life...

I'm about to take 50 years off of your life if you don't leave me the fuck alone. Thanks. 

I don't really understand why people feel the need to tell others what they should or shouldn't do.  But that's just me.

After my break I went back inside and started working on Back-to-School production for my display, trying to hide away in my little corner. My store manager walked over and said "Hey Katie" and I immediately interrupted him with a short "Go away"... 

He obeyed.

I love that my managers know when to leave me alone and just let me work.

The rest of the day was fairly quiet and more pleasant and I got the necessary toilet paper and soda on my way out. Drove home and tried once again to continue reading Galapagos. I have failed. My brain is too tired to concentrate. 

So now I'm here with yet another thoughtless way of blogging because that is the only way anything ever gets posted. One day I shall attempt the poetry challenge again. And one day I will finish this darn book. Or I will just move on and read something else. 

One day I will wake up and have everything be okay. But that day was not today. I'm glad it is over and I think I shall put a true end to it soon and fall asleep.

On the bright side...

I have bell pepper plants...

Let's just hope I can keep them alive and not have to spend $2 at the grocery store every time I want to cook  :)

can I just disappear...

So I am not okay.

But I'm not sure what is wrong. I feel like everything is closing in on me. I can't breath. My chest is heavy. I'm all tensed up and I just want to be alone. I feel like I'm having an anxiety attack and I don't know why but it is scaring the shit out of me.

I know I haven't been doing the things I normally do to relieve stress lately which is probably not such a good thing since I have some added stress in my life lately. And I don't really know how to deal with certain things. And with others I feel like every time I start to see the light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel gets longer and the light goes away. 

I guess this is why I have to write or draw or do something to get the shit out of my head and I haven't been doing that. I haven't felt like this in years and it really scares me. That was a very dark place and I don't want to ever go back there. But I feel like it's coming and I don't know what to do. I hate the feeling of not wanting to get up in the morning. Not wanting to eat or do the dishes or laundry. And then after a week it all piles up and my OCD kicks in with some depression and anxiety and all too overwhelming and I don't know where to start and I just break down.

Right now I just want to disappear. Just close my eyes and vanish.

I'm not sure what has brought this on. For the most part things are looking up for me. I am in the process of a promotion at work which means less financial stress and I am getting started on taking care of repairs with the house and finding solutions. Although right now I am trying to do my job as well as take on responsibilities of my future position which is, at times, a little stressfull... I know I'm rambling. 

I think I broke down the other night and finally realized that my friend died. It's weird though, because she and I weren't as close as some of the other friends I have lost lately and I didn't take it as hard as this. I think I'm just  fucked. 

I don't know what's wrong.

I just want to know what is going on so I can get out of this. I feel like I'm drowning and I don't even want to try to come up for air anymore. I feel like I'm never going to be okay so what is the point in even trying. What is the point in trying to work on things or fix things if it's never going to get any better than this. 

There has been a lot of change in my life over the last few weeks and I feel like it is all good stuff but I still feel like at any minute it's all going to come crashing down.  I just don't want to end up where I was before. I don't want those thoughts in my head again. I don't want to shut myself out and be fake and happy on the outside but miserable and praying for death on the inside. 

I think I just need to get back into my old habits of writing or drawing or doing whatever I need to do to get this shit out of my head so I can look at it rationally and get that connection with God back. I have lost it. I just don't know where to start. I am nose deep and shit and it's just all too much right now.

So I'm here. Getting it out. And tomorrow I will wake up and go to work. That's about all I can handle at the moment. I hate this feeling.

I'm a slacker...

I have not kept up with this poetry challenge but I will get them done... 

although I'm not quite sure when...

Dinner tonight after work. Birthday thing for friend tomorrow after work and Derby all day Saturday... 

Maybe I can write on my lunch break. 

If only I took a lunch break...

But they will get done!

Oh and I am going to shoot my neighbors dog. He has been barking since 3am.

5/30 Poetry Challenge

Day 5- Write a three line poem about lemons without using the following words: lemon, yellow, round, fruit, citrus, tart, juicy, peel, and sour.

a slice of Sunshine in my glass

refreshing on hot summer days

I'm glad you're not a lime

4/30 Poetry Challenge

Day 4: Write a haiku (a three line poem where the first line has 5 syllables, the second line has 7 syllables, and the third line has 5 syllables). Haikus are often about nature, but yours can be about anything.

Ugh... I hate haiku...

But here we go... 

Derby love haiku  :)

Roller Derby girls

are the baddest on the block

they will kick your ass

--------------------------------------

Dainty Butterfly

floating in the gentle breeze

give me your freedom

yeah... lame

3/30 Poetry Challenge

Day 3: Find the nearest book (of any kind). Turn to page 8. Use the first ten full words on the page in a poem. You may use them in any order, anywhere in the poem.

John Steinbeck - The Grapes of Wrath "the motor roared up for a moment, the gears clicked"

Suck. Squeeze. Bang. Blow.
Four-stroke ignition 101
Strapped in and surrounded by steel
roll bars overhead
The motor roared with the
pounding in his chest

The moment the flag was dropped,
gears clicked and adrenaline
flooded his veins like nitrous. 
Up ahead the finish line drew near.
For 7.82 seconds there was a feeling
of overwhelming invincibility.



Okay... I think maybe I shouldn't do these in the morning...

2/30 Poetry Challenge

Day 2- Who was the last person you texted? Write a five line poem to that person.

you open my mind to excitement
an unfamiliar feeling
tearing down walls of fear and doubt
I find comfort in your eyes
and rest my feet on solid ground

1/30 Poetry Challenge

and so it begins...

Day 1- Write a poem where each line starts with a letter from your first name (an acrostic). It can be about anything, but it should not be about you or your name.

Killing time with speculation
And mindless chatter. The
Theoretical fallibility of
Intellectual super-minds at play,
Exemplifying the difference between knowledge and wisdom

30 Day Poetry Challenge

Well I have gotten out of the habit of writing and have lost a great deal of creativity in that aspect, so I thought this might be a good kick-start to get me in the swing of things again. We'll see how it goes... kinda scary...

30 Day Poetry Challenge

Day 1- Write a poem where each line starts with a letter from your first name (an acrostic). It can be about anything, but it should not be about you or your name.

Day 2- Who was the last person you texted? Write a five line poem to that person.

Day 3- Find the nearest book (of any kind). Turn to page 8. Use the first ten full words on the page in a poem. You may use them in any order, anywhere in the poem.

Day 4- Write a haiku. They’re often about nature, but yours can be about anything.

Day 5- Write a three line poem about lemons without using the following words: lemon, yellow, round, fruit, citrus, tart, juicy, peel, and sour.

Day 6- Write a poem of any length incorporating every word from your latest Facebook status.

Day 7- Take a walk until you find a tree you identify with, then write a poem using the tree as a metaphor for yourself or your life.

Day 8- Write a cinquain on a topic of your choice.

Day 9- Quickly jot down four verbs, four adjectives, and four nouns. Write a poem using all 12 words.

Day 10- Pick a one line song lyric to serve as an epigraph to your poem. Then, write the poem to accompany it.

Day 11- Write a list poem.

Day 12- Tell your life story in 6 words.

Day 13- Write a short poem that a child would like.

Day 14- Write a bad poem, make it as lousy as you can, do everything wrong, let yourself be awful.

Day 15- Post a poem (written by someone else) that you love (for any reason).

Day 16- Respond to the poem you posted yesterday with a poem of your own.

Day 17- Write a poem that employs a rhyme scheme.

Day 18- Write a poem without any end rhyme, only internal rhyme.

Day 19- Imagine yourself doing any household task/chore, then write a poem using what you’ve imagined as an extended metaphor for writing.

Day 20- Write a narrative poem detailing a specific childhood memory.

Day 21- Choose one of the poems you’ve already written and posted as part of this challenge and re-order it in some way. You could rearrange the lines or stanzas or even words in a line. Think of it as a puzzle!

Day 22- What is the first car you bought/drove/remember? Write a poem about it.

Day 23- Write a seven line poem that begins with “it’s true that fresh air is good for the body” (from Frank O’Hara’s poem “Ave Maria”) and ends with “this is our body” (from Gary Snyder’s “The Bath”).

Day 24- Write a poem that’s different in some way from anything you’ve ever written. Take a chance! Be wild!

Day 25- Write a poem that includes all of the following words: pistachio, ink, pebble, weather, varnish.

Day 26- Gather some magazines/catalogs you don’t mind cutting up and spend ten minutes flipping through them looking for words/sentences that spark your interest. Cut out the words as you go, and (at the end of the ten minutes) arrange the words to form a cut-out poem.

Day 27- Begin with the title “The Poem I’d Never Write.” Then, write that poem.

Day 28- Visit a virtual art gallery and look around until you find a piece that intrigues you. Write a poem inspired by the artwork.

Day 29- Briefly research a poetic form of your choice and write a poem according to the rules of that particular form.

Day 30- Write a poem employing extended metaphor to illustrate the experience of the last thirty days.

Neil is amazing!!!!

Six L 6

Six L 6 is a local band here in the Houston area. Southern Rock which we all love. I had the pleasure of seeing them last night and they had my toes tapping all night. I love when I can hear music for the first time and it gets me moving.

They were amazing! Drummer, Tammy Griffin, had my core vibrating. Loud, heavy hits where perfect for the style they play. I have a great fondness for drummers, but watching her move gave me a whole new appreciation for the workout that is involved. 

Along with bassist Jason DeVerny, and Ryan Berverlin on lead guitar and vocals, this band kicked ass!

Visit their website at www.sixl6.com and "like" them on facebook.

When OCD goes bad

So at 4 this afternoon, I was laying down to take a nap and remembered I had towels in the dryer and couldn't fall asleep because I KNEW there were towels in the dryer... 

So I went to get the towels and as I was folding them I noticed the little fur balls of cat hair in the corner of the living room so I got the Swiffer sweeper and went to work... and of course I couldn't just do the living room so I vacuumed the whole house. And you can't vacuum without mopping... Then I noticed the dust and had to dust the whole house. Then I had to clean the mirrors. Then I had to organize my closet. Then I had to clean the stove and kitchen cabinets. 

Then I decided I had done enough for the day and was going to sit and rest because it was my day off...

But then I saw the cobwebs. So I got the 3ft. ladder and did my best at getting down the cobwebs with the shopvac... and then I fell off the ladder and hit the middle of my back on the dining room chair... 

Now I'm in pain.

And my dog ate my heat pad... so I'm just gonna sit here and cry...

Chicken Bacon Ranch Pizza

Okay so this stuff is amazing.

I usually start with the pizza crust that comes from the bakery at Kroger. The most important thing to remember (in my opinion) about making a pizza is to apply a coat of olive oil to the crust before adding any toppings. It will keep the crust from drying out and getting chewy...

So once you rub with olive oil, add ranch dressing (just as you would pizza sauce), cheese, cooked and cut up chicken breast, bacon, bell pepper, mushrooms and onion. You can always add other ingredients... then you just pop it in the oven and enjoy.

Don't spank your kids... just kill them...

Okay not really.

PLEASE do not kill your children. If you decide you longer want your child, find someone else to take care of it. Do not kill it and dispose of it so you can party with your friends. If you do not have children and do not want them any time soon... DON'T HAVE SEX!

And I have tried to really hard to stay away from this subject but it is everywhere. And every time I hear about it my blood boils. 

And I'm really more just shocked... I can't really be angry, although I am. I don't really know what happened because I wasn't there,  but I was still very shocked to here that verdict. I guess some how they found some form of something that lead to reasonable doubt....

But what really gets me is a woman was arrested and sentenced to 5 years of probation for MILDLY spanking her child...

Rosalina Gonzales had pleaded guilty to a felony charge of injury to a child for what prosecutors had described as a "pretty simple, straightforward spanking case." They noted she didn't use a belt or leave any bruises, just some red marks.
"You don't spank children today," said Judge Jose Longoria. "In the old days, maybe we got spanked, but there was a different quarrel. You don't spank children."

Really? Casey gets out on the 13th and is free to do as she pleases now but this woman is going to be punished for 5 years.

When I was in school... and it wasn't that long ago... the principal had the ability to spank us, so long as your parent gave permission. And of course mine did, as did 98% of the other parents. 

I don't know if anybody else can see what I see. But I work in a grocery store and see children with their parents all day long. And these kids are out of freakin control. They need a good smack on the ass. A woman actually asked me one day to tell her son to get off of my cake case because she couldn't. What the hell? When I was a kid we were afraid to do anything wrong because we knew what it meant when we got home. 

And it didn't hurt our self worth.

It just taught us how to act in public and how to respect other people. And of course it was used after other methods where attempted. But my mother didn't tell us the same thing a million times. 3 was enough.

But nowadays there is no God and no punishment for wrong doing.

No wonder kids are out of control. And what really gets me is that parents always want to blame video games and movies and whatever else they can instead of taking responsibility for their children. Here's an idea... try being a parent!!!

And then there are those like Casey Anthony who decide they don't want to be a parent anymore... and they just make their child go away. And nothing happens. A little slap on the wrist. A woman who mildly spanks her kid, not leaving a bruise, gets a far more severe punishment than a woman who kills her daughter and parties for 31 days afterward. 

And the best part is... now she can become rich because of it. 

So the moral of my rant today is that spanking is bad. Murder is okay. And if you get away with murder you can become rich and free to do it again. 

I was kind of all over the place there but I think I'm done now. Got it off my chest. I even screamed a little and freaked my dog out. But I'm good now....

RAWR!!!!

Okay now I'm done.

One Week

SO today was day 7 of the juice detox (which I didn't really do because my dad made me eat some steak and a spinach salad on Tuesday) and I have decided I'm done. 

I lost 7 pounds in 7 days. Went from a size 8 to a size 6 and was able to squeeze my ass into a Juniors 5... So I had a spinach salad and a grilled chicken breast for dinner. I would like to lose another 10 pounds and plan on still doing the juice for the most part... because it is amazingly wonderful... but I think I will have a salad or yogurt and fruit for lunch. But my smoothie I have made for breakfast the last few days has been quite addictive. 

So yeah. No more detox. Maybe I will do it again another time... like when I can actually quit smoking for good... it seems kind of pointless now. Just a healthy diet and exercise to continue to lose weight. No fad diets. And this wasn't really meant to lose weight but I'm happy it happened. I feel great and want to continue to feel this way. And I know that if I can, at some point, do away with cigarettes all together I will feel even better.

One day...

Weekly happenings...

So my dad had surgery last week. He had to have a hip replacement. He will eventually get the other one done as well, but now he's just healing. 

I had 2 days off so I decided to stay with him so my step mom could go back to work and I could spend some time with him. I was amazed when I got to his house Monday night. He was moving around and obviously didn't need the walker that the doctor insisted he use. 

When the therapist got there Tuesday afternoon he said "there is no need for me to be here. I'm releasing you to outpatient therapy". He also said he had never seen anyone as far along as him so quick. He's used to seeing my dad's style of progress after 3 weeks. He is now just using a cane and doing great.

In other news... it is day 6 of the juice detox and I feel great. Although my dad made me eat a few bites of steak and some spinach salad last night for dinner. I was miserable afterward. I guess my stomach has shrunk a little. But none the less, I have lost 6 pounds and feel great. 

I have an enormous amount of energy. No headaches. And I'm sleeping better than I can ever remember. I wake up feeling well rested and alert, instead of groggy and bogged down. It normally takes me a while to actually wake up and become coherent, but not any more.

The juice I am addicted to is:

8 baby carrots

1 celery stalk (with the leafy greens)

1 small beet

6-8 strawberries

1 apple

1 banana

10-15 grapes

It is delicious!!! Mostly tastes like strawberry and banana.

Well. It's now time to get all the cleaning and laundry done that I wasn't able to do the last couple of days so I bid thee farewell. Happy blogging.

I feel great!!!

So it's day 3 of the juice detox and I already feel amazing! 

I have a ton of energy and feel lighter. Not exactly weight wise, but I don't feel bogged down. I'm used to grabbing a roll and some butter or a tortilla at work, and mass quantities of caffeine. I didn't wake up this morning looking for my soda and pop-tart. I immediately grabbed a glass of juice. 

I haven't had a headache, or felt hungry. Although today was very trying on me. They were sampling all of my loves at work today. Sausage, Burgers, Cheese, Cheese and more Cheese. It sucked. But I made it through. 

I'm interested to see how great I will feel after 2 weeks!

What is a Juice Fast Detox?

Well, according to my doctor, it's going a period of time with taking in nothing but fresh fruit and vegetable juice and water. Lots of water. I was told to drink between 32 and 64 oz of fresh juice as well as 8 glasses (64oz) of water. And you should not drink the whole glass at one time but rather sip it. 

Include avocado, beets, or sweet potatoes as often as possible as they will provide a good amount of protein. Apples are an easy add to any juice blend because the flavor can be covered up by others. You can either juice your own in your blender at home or buy the bottles from your grocery store's nutrition department. NO regular juices such as V8, Welche's or anything like that. Nothing with preservatives or sugar added. Also, HEB will juice your fruits and veggies for you... but you didn't hear that from me...

When using celery be sure to chop it up before you blend so the strings do not destroy your blender and use the leafy greens as well. I like a blend of fruits and vegetables instead of just one kind of juice because it provides more vitamins and nutrients. 

My doctor also said that you can take an iron pill if your are not getting enough from the fruits and vegetables you are eating drinking. Raspberries, strawberries, lemons, blackberies and grapes are good providers of iron. Bananas, pineapples, and sweet potatoes are also a good provider of B6. 

The hardest thing for me has been NO CAFFEINE. While doing the detox you are to have NO solid food, NO caffeine, NO sugars or artificial flavors, NO preservative. If you are wanting to do this to lose weight my doctor suggested the same intake of juice and water as well as a fruit for brunch and a vegetable in the mid afternoon, but doing it for a longer period of time (30-45 days).

In the first week it is normal to feel dizzy or light headed, have a headache, and have an overall feeling of tiredness. I was told that this should pass after the first few days. I personally felt that way on my first day. On my second day I drank juice with more B6 and B12 and didn't feel like I was going to pass out. I actually had more energy than I have had in a long time. I also haven't really felt hungry because I am sipping the juice throughout the day. But working in a grocery store I have to fight my normal habit of grabbing a fresh tortilla or roll or cookie all day. Today was much better. They say it takes 30 days to create a habit. I'm not sure how long it takes to break it. 

Later in the detox it is also normal to have bad breath, acne, or increased body odor as the toxins are released from your body. I'm really looking forward to this one. Deodorant. Toothpaste. Face wash. I should be fine. 

I was also told that it is possible to lose up to a pound a day. Which is why I am starting with only 14 days. I don't want to lose more than that. If I still feel healthy and check out okay with my doctor I will continue for another week. But the important thing to remember is that if you eat pizza and burgers and drink nothing but soda and Redbull all day, the detox will be pointless if you go back to the same habits. It is a lifestyle change. And if you already eat healthy it is a good way to cleanse your body of the added crap that is in everything today.

The days prior to fasting it is best to eliminate fried or fatty foods, caffeine, and sugars (cookies, cake, candy, etc.) 

And I think that is all the information I have... I don't know if this helps but this is the information my doc gave. I will continue to keep you updated with how it's going for me.

Click here for a list of vegetables and the vitamins and minerals they contain and here for a list of fruits.

Juice Fasting

So I have started my juice fast.

A juice fast involves the short-term intake of raw vegetable and fruit juice and water only. Proponents of juice fasting use juice because it's thought to be a good source of vitamins and antioxidants. A juice fast is considered an extreme form of detoxification because no solid food is consumed. More moderate detox methods, such as the detox diet include solid food.

I am doing the extreme version.

Yesterday was day one. I didn't really feel hungry. I had a slight headache and was tired, which I believe is because I had NO caffeine. The warnings say you can expect to be dizzy, hungry, and have a headache in the first three days. After that your body responds and does what it should by clearing out all of the toxins. I will say that I think it is working because I had to pee every five minutes yesterday and woke up several time through the night. I have yet to feel light headed or dizzy but that could happen today...

Today's juice consists of mainly fruit. Apple, Pineapple, White Grapes, Lemon Juice, and Carrot. I'll get back to you later to let you know how the day goes.