28 Again...

So it's my Birthday. And I have been on vacation all week...

Saturday was Derby day and after party. I actually got to go to the after party because I didn't have to work on Sunday. That was nice.

Sunday was "stay-in-bed-day" although it was more stay-on-the-couch-day. It was quite wonderful. I watched Star Trek all day and napped. Ate Mexican food with my mom and step dad for dinner and went back to bed.

Monday, Mom and I headed out early and went to the Rothko Chapel. Then we spent the rest of the day driving up and down Montrose going to resale shops and antique stores. I got 2 new bottles :)

We also went to Texas Art Supply which inspired me to get back into doing what I do. And trying new things. I'm still not sure if I really enjoy painting. I know I enjoy doing it but I don't really like how it turns out. Just not my style I guess. But Monday evening I was busy...

Tuesday, Mom and I went to the Museum of Fine Arts. So amazing. Actually got to see all of the exhibits.

Helmut Newton is an amazing photographer. Absolutely love the the Naked Dressed series

And Simpson Kalisher exhibit was amazing as well.

...this was my favorite...

Then Tuesday night I spent more time drawing... a little more my style and comfort zone...

So I've been busy... Today I woke up to an email that a friend got me an Amazon gift card so I got some new books. And tonight is karaoke and fun with friends. :)

And now deep thoughts...

So do you ever wake up with some grand idea in your head and you don't know where the hell it came from? ...well, that happened to me today.

Although, I'm not sure it was really a grand idea... just something that got me thinking.

So I have heard that the key to a good relationship, whether it be romantic or social or family or whatever, is 50/50 give and take... 

Today I awoke with the idea that it is not give and take, but rather give and receive. 

I have always been the giver in all of my relationships, whatever form they may be. I still have a problem with accepting things from other people, even if it's just a compliment. I'm just not really used to it. But I have learned to just smile and say thank you even if I don't fully believe what I am being told or if someone does something for me that I'm still not completely comfortable with.

I just smile and say "thank you".

But the key is that I don't expect these things from other people. If it is give and TAKE that means that I have expectations that, being human, the other person in my life is sure to not live up to at some point, and I would have to force it from them. Making them do or say something that they don't necessarily want to do or say. 

At the same time, I know that I get great pleasure out of being able to do things for other people. It gives me some sense of self worth. Like I am being beneficial to someone without expecting anything in return. 

Just for fun and for free. 

So, if I know how good it makes me feel to be able to help someone or say something just to put a smile on their face and make their day brighter, how could I possibly deny them that opportunity to feel the same? To deny them happiness... *warm fuzzies*

Are you with me? Is this making any sense or am I just rambling?

So yeah... I give (compliments, hugs, a shoulder to cry on, smiles, dinner, etc.) and expect nothing in return just because it gives the the warm fuzzy feeling... but I also have to learn to LET others do the same for me when they wish to, so that they may experience it as well.

Yeah. That was my thought and I'm not a wordsmith so I'm sure it could have come out better but I hope you get my drift.

I give up

So apparently my brain is not functioning or in the mood to write poetry so I admit my defeat to the 30 day poetry challenge. 

You win.

I shall go on though... and over at Ha ha. Wait. What? there is yet another 30 day blog challenge that I shall do instead. Just for shits and giggles... 

So here goes...

Day 1 - A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was.

...well crap

This is the only recent picture of me by myself... baiting the hook that would catch my first fish :)

Any hoo... how my day was?

Well, that story would have to start with last evening at 10:30 when I lost power and was sweating my ass off trying to sleep. Apparently my body doesn't like to be that hot and will not relax and just sleep... This soon turned into hour after hour of the people of Centerpoint Energy telling us it will only be an hour... 

Four times we were told it would only be an hour...

So when Centerpoint Energy finally decided to turn our power back on at 4am I was beyond tired and dreading the day ahead.

At 8am my alarm went off as usual and I pounded to snooze button into submission, for 10 more minutes anyway. This process was repeated 8 times, as well as dismissing phone calls and any other noises that were disturbing my minimal amount of slumber. Finally, at around 9:30am, I dragged myself out of bed, grabbed a Dr Pepper and a cigarette and attempted to wake up. 

I arrived at work 2 minutes late (which isn't a big deal) and was immediately told that a customer would be back in 30 minutes to get her cake which was supposed to be done already. So I had about 20 minutes to draw a guitar on a cake. Fun. Half asleep and irritable, I get to work. Rushed. The result was not my best...

... but the customer was pleased.

Right about the time I was boxing up this cake, I received a text from a friend asking if her cake was finished.

No. It's not. I was told 2pm... apparently that had changed and it needed to be done earlier. So once again I am rushing to make a freakin Slot Machine and at this point I hate my life. 

I finish the cake and I hate it. But she liked it. I think I might be too much of a perfectionist... but whatever. I'm just in a foul mood and no longer care.

My work, for some strange reason decides to make everybody pizza. My stomach appreciates this. It's time for a break before I kill someone. So I grab a slice and head outside to read a short story written by a "friend" (aka some person that I only know through Google+) and try to chill out for a moment.

Some dumb bitch decides it would be a good idea to approach me with the question "how old are you?" followed by "why do you smoke?" followed by 10 minutes of lecturing me on how bad smoking is for my health and that I'm taking 10 years off my life...

I'm about to take 50 years off of your life if you don't leave me the fuck alone. Thanks. 

I don't really understand why people feel the need to tell others what they should or shouldn't do.  But that's just me.

After my break I went back inside and started working on Back-to-School production for my display, trying to hide away in my little corner. My store manager walked over and said "Hey Katie" and I immediately interrupted him with a short "Go away"... 

He obeyed.

I love that my managers know when to leave me alone and just let me work.

The rest of the day was fairly quiet and more pleasant and I got the necessary toilet paper and soda on my way out. Drove home and tried once again to continue reading Galapagos. I have failed. My brain is too tired to concentrate. 

So now I'm here with yet another thoughtless way of blogging because that is the only way anything ever gets posted. One day I shall attempt the poetry challenge again. And one day I will finish this darn book. Or I will just move on and read something else. 

One day I will wake up and have everything be okay. But that day was not today. I'm glad it is over and I think I shall put a true end to it soon and fall asleep.

can I just disappear...

So I am not okay.

But I'm not sure what is wrong. I feel like everything is closing in on me. I can't breath. My chest is heavy. I'm all tensed up and I just want to be alone. I feel like I'm having an anxiety attack and I don't know why but it is scaring the shit out of me.

I know I haven't been doing the things I normally do to relieve stress lately which is probably not such a good thing since I have some added stress in my life lately. And I don't really know how to deal with certain things. And with others I feel like every time I start to see the light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel gets longer and the light goes away. 

I guess this is why I have to write or draw or do something to get the shit out of my head and I haven't been doing that. I haven't felt like this in years and it really scares me. That was a very dark place and I don't want to ever go back there. But I feel like it's coming and I don't know what to do. I hate the feeling of not wanting to get up in the morning. Not wanting to eat or do the dishes or laundry. And then after a week it all piles up and my OCD kicks in with some depression and anxiety and all too overwhelming and I don't know where to start and I just break down.

Right now I just want to disappear. Just close my eyes and vanish.

I'm not sure what has brought this on. For the most part things are looking up for me. I am in the process of a promotion at work which means less financial stress and I am getting started on taking care of repairs with the house and finding solutions. Although right now I am trying to do my job as well as take on responsibilities of my future position which is, at times, a little stressfull... I know I'm rambling. 

I think I broke down the other night and finally realized that my friend died. It's weird though, because she and I weren't as close as some of the other friends I have lost lately and I didn't take it as hard as this. I think I'm just  fucked. 

I don't know what's wrong.

I just want to know what is going on so I can get out of this. I feel like I'm drowning and I don't even want to try to come up for air anymore. I feel like I'm never going to be okay so what is the point in even trying. What is the point in trying to work on things or fix things if it's never going to get any better than this. 

There has been a lot of change in my life over the last few weeks and I feel like it is all good stuff but I still feel like at any minute it's all going to come crashing down.  I just don't want to end up where I was before. I don't want those thoughts in my head again. I don't want to shut myself out and be fake and happy on the outside but miserable and praying for death on the inside. 

I think I just need to get back into my old habits of writing or drawing or doing whatever I need to do to get this shit out of my head so I can look at it rationally and get that connection with God back. I have lost it. I just don't know where to start. I am nose deep and shit and it's just all too much right now.

So I'm here. Getting it out. And tomorrow I will wake up and go to work. That's about all I can handle at the moment. I hate this feeling.

I'm a slacker...

I have not kept up with this poetry challenge but I will get them done... 

although I'm not quite sure when...

Dinner tonight after work. Birthday thing for friend tomorrow after work and Derby all day Saturday... 

Maybe I can write on my lunch break. 

If only I took a lunch break...

But they will get done!

Oh and I am going to shoot my neighbors dog. He has been barking since 3am.

When OCD goes bad

So at 4 this afternoon, I was laying down to take a nap and remembered I had towels in the dryer and couldn't fall asleep because I KNEW there were towels in the dryer... 

So I went to get the towels and as I was folding them I noticed the little fur balls of cat hair in the corner of the living room so I got the Swiffer sweeper and went to work... and of course I couldn't just do the living room so I vacuumed the whole house. And you can't vacuum without mopping... Then I noticed the dust and had to dust the whole house. Then I had to clean the mirrors. Then I had to organize my closet. Then I had to clean the stove and kitchen cabinets. 

Then I decided I had done enough for the day and was going to sit and rest because it was my day off...

But then I saw the cobwebs. So I got the 3ft. ladder and did my best at getting down the cobwebs with the shopvac... and then I fell off the ladder and hit the middle of my back on the dining room chair... 

Now I'm in pain.

And my dog ate my heat pad... so I'm just gonna sit here and cry...

Don't spank your kids... just kill them...

Okay not really.

PLEASE do not kill your children. If you decide you longer want your child, find someone else to take care of it. Do not kill it and dispose of it so you can party with your friends. If you do not have children and do not want them any time soon... DON'T HAVE SEX!

And I have tried to really hard to stay away from this subject but it is everywhere. And every time I hear about it my blood boils. 

And I'm really more just shocked... I can't really be angry, although I am. I don't really know what happened because I wasn't there,  but I was still very shocked to here that verdict. I guess some how they found some form of something that lead to reasonable doubt....

But what really gets me is a woman was arrested and sentenced to 5 years of probation for MILDLY spanking her child...

Rosalina Gonzales had pleaded guilty to a felony charge of injury to a child for what prosecutors had described as a "pretty simple, straightforward spanking case." They noted she didn't use a belt or leave any bruises, just some red marks.
"You don't spank children today," said Judge Jose Longoria. "In the old days, maybe we got spanked, but there was a different quarrel. You don't spank children."

Really? Casey gets out on the 13th and is free to do as she pleases now but this woman is going to be punished for 5 years.

When I was in school... and it wasn't that long ago... the principal had the ability to spank us, so long as your parent gave permission. And of course mine did, as did 98% of the other parents. 

I don't know if anybody else can see what I see. But I work in a grocery store and see children with their parents all day long. And these kids are out of freakin control. They need a good smack on the ass. A woman actually asked me one day to tell her son to get off of my cake case because she couldn't. What the hell? When I was a kid we were afraid to do anything wrong because we knew what it meant when we got home. 

And it didn't hurt our self worth.

It just taught us how to act in public and how to respect other people. And of course it was used after other methods where attempted. But my mother didn't tell us the same thing a million times. 3 was enough.

But nowadays there is no God and no punishment for wrong doing.

No wonder kids are out of control. And what really gets me is that parents always want to blame video games and movies and whatever else they can instead of taking responsibility for their children. Here's an idea... try being a parent!!!

And then there are those like Casey Anthony who decide they don't want to be a parent anymore... and they just make their child go away. And nothing happens. A little slap on the wrist. A woman who mildly spanks her kid, not leaving a bruise, gets a far more severe punishment than a woman who kills her daughter and parties for 31 days afterward. 

And the best part is... now she can become rich because of it. 

So the moral of my rant today is that spanking is bad. Murder is okay. And if you get away with murder you can become rich and free to do it again. 

I was kind of all over the place there but I think I'm done now. Got it off my chest. I even screamed a little and freaked my dog out. But I'm good now....

RAWR!!!!

Okay now I'm done.

Weekly happenings...

So my dad had surgery last week. He had to have a hip replacement. He will eventually get the other one done as well, but now he's just healing. 

I had 2 days off so I decided to stay with him so my step mom could go back to work and I could spend some time with him. I was amazed when I got to his house Monday night. He was moving around and obviously didn't need the walker that the doctor insisted he use. 

When the therapist got there Tuesday afternoon he said "there is no need for me to be here. I'm releasing you to outpatient therapy". He also said he had never seen anyone as far along as him so quick. He's used to seeing my dad's style of progress after 3 weeks. He is now just using a cane and doing great.

In other news... it is day 6 of the juice detox and I feel great. Although my dad made me eat a few bites of steak and some spinach salad last night for dinner. I was miserable afterward. I guess my stomach has shrunk a little. But none the less, I have lost 6 pounds and feel great. 

I have an enormous amount of energy. No headaches. And I'm sleeping better than I can ever remember. I wake up feeling well rested and alert, instead of groggy and bogged down. It normally takes me a while to actually wake up and become coherent, but not any more.

The juice I am addicted to is:

8 baby carrots

1 celery stalk (with the leafy greens)

1 small beet

6-8 strawberries

1 apple

1 banana

10-15 grapes

It is delicious!!! Mostly tastes like strawberry and banana.

Well. It's now time to get all the cleaning and laundry done that I wasn't able to do the last couple of days so I bid thee farewell. Happy blogging.

A Day In The Life...

I have seen several of my fellow bloggers doing this, and even though I know nobody really cares what I do in my day to day life, I have decided to join in because I have nothing else to blog about.... and because I know my only reader, Glenn, will LOVE this  ;) ... so here goes.

*note: this is not my typical day, but rather, a lazy day off of work


5:53 Jumped out of bed... then realized what time it was and went back to sleep. It's my day off, no need to be awake.

9:02 Woke up for real. Let the dog out...and back in, brushed my teeth and grabbed some caffeine.

9:15 Turned on Season 9 of Smallvile... about half way through now, logged into Facebook, and went through the morning routine of texts with a friend.

9:51 Got on Craigslist to look for a dishwasher...

11:14 Found dishwasher and set up time to look at and possibly buy said dishwasher.

11:25 Started Laundry, pissed off some ants with a mound destroyer, dropped netflix movies in the mailbox.

11:47 Made and devoured lunch

12:10 Switched over laundry, continued watching Smallville while wasting time on Facebook and more texting with a friend.

12:50 Looked through my favorite cook book (it's no longer being printed but you can buy it on Amazon) for an idea for dinner... and then realized how much it sucks cooking for one... I guess it will just be sloppy joes or hot dogs again...

1:15 got clothes out of the dryer and put clean wet clothes in the dryer, folded and hung up said dry clothes...and grabbed a RedBull

1:40 Completed season 9 of Smallville, made a Father's Day card... I haven't made a card in a while so I opted for simple, fast, and easy...

1:53 Put ticket stubs from recent events in my keepsake book. Tried, again, to teach my dog to sit... but he's dumb so we just ended up playing, then I laughed as he chased the cats.

2:15 Wondered why I hadn't heard the buzzer on the dryer (hasn't it been a couple hours?), and when I went to the garage, realized I hadn't STARTED the dryer... oops

2:17 Browsed more on Facebook, checked out the local Breaking News... it's been a busy day in Houston. High speed chase, 2 women robbed a Walmart (I don't know why... but I guess Walmart is busy and has lots of cash in the registers), and new DNA evidence was linked to cold cases from the 90s. Oh and then there was that thing about the manhunt for an escaped prisoner... No big deal...

2:50 Spent some time thinking about what it will actually be like to have a dishwasher... it's been SO long. Turned on the actual television and was reminded why I don't watch TV.

3:05 Reverted to the DVD collection and decided on X-Men. Texted some more with friends about current and future happenings.

3:15 Heard the buzzer for the dryer!!! Folded and put away dry towels. And of course I had to stop and smell them first... I love my fabric softener!

3:51 Thought about doing dishes and then remembered I might be getting a dishwasher tonight and I might need something to test it out on.

5:26 Left to look at dishwasher...

6:23 Arrived home with dishwasher for less than asking price. But I will not be installing it tonight. First things first I guess...  :(

6:45 Started raking more pine needles, breaking up limbs and cleaning up backyard before trash goes out

8:33 Came in from yard work

And now I'm sweaty and need to shower and eat dinner... so this is where I will be ending the post, because after I shower and eat I will be doing NOTHING else except watching TV and wasting more time on Facebook

Have a lovely evening and thank you for reading.

boredom

Well Blogger has removed a few of my posts... not that anybody is reading this anyway... but grrrr...

I thought about reposting them but the mood has passed. And I don't even really remember what I posted so I guess it wasn't that important. Life is pretty damn boring. Work. Eat. Play with the dog. Sleep. That's my life. Living alone in this house gets kinda quiet and crazy so I am starting this blog just to give myself something to do everyday. How sad is that?

And apparently there IS a limit to the number of movies I can watch in a day. After a while they just all start to run together. But it is great getting into a new show (new to me anyway) and not having to wait until the next week to see the next episode. Yep. And it's even better when the show is already on the 5th or 6th season. Just days of non-stop something to watch.

Oh and BTW: I had put off watching Tron Legacy because I was afraid I would be disappointed, or at least not that into it. I finally watched it the other day, and it turns out my predictions were right. Now, I was a little preoccupied so of course I will try to watch it again... but it didn't really grab me like I had hoped. The action scenes were amazing. The lightcycles... Epic. But it just didn't do it for me. I am having a really hard time finding movies that I haven't seen... and that I am interested in seeing. I'm not much of a chick-flick kind of girl. Hence finding new TV shows...

And when all else fails, throwing in a season of Big Bang Theory is always great.

100 random facts about me

I've never really done this and it will probably take me hours to complete without a list of questions but here it goes...

1. my birthday is August 25

2. I'm addicted to caffeine (Dr.Pepper)

3. I hate coffee

4. I'm single

5. I broke both of my wrist riding my bike (not at the same time)

6. I stopped riding my bike in 8th grade (when I broke the second one)

7. I'm a cake decorator

8. I'm also a massage therapist

9. and I make greeting cards

10. I love to paint and draw

11. but I've never taken an art class

12. I've seen Full Metal Jacket at least 150 times

13. and I know every word to it

14. I celebrate national Star Wars Day :)  may the 4th be with you

15. I made a bucket list when I was 19 because I was always to afraid to try anything

16. I'm a die hard Green Bay Packers fan

17. I own over 800 movies. Notice I said "own" not "have seen"

18. I absolutely LOVE music. All types of music

19. I sing at the top of my lungs when I'm driving

20. I can't sing but I do it anyway. Isn't that what karaoke is all about?

21. I drive a 2008 Honda Fit

22. I still play the original Super Mario Bros. on my NES

23. I love cheese

24. but I don't like bleu cheese

25. I'm 5 foot nothing

26. my parents divorced when I was 5

27. I love what I do for a living

28. but I hate where I work

29. I want to open my own bakery

30. my favorite colors are purple and black

31. 90% of the time, when I am out, I'm wearing a Packers shirt and jeans

32. I love to read

33. I wish I could be a professional student

34. I studied microbiology at home just for the fun of it

35. I read a section of the encyclopedia everyday

36. I am beginning to think, more and more, that I'm a complete dork

37. I know binary

38. I have a brother that is 5 years older than me

39. Favorite show on television: Big Bang Theory

40. Favorite show on cable: it's a tie between Dexter, Nurse Jackie and United States of Tara

41. I hate not having a DVR

42. Comcast is not comcastic! unless comcastic means complete and total shite

43. but they have the highest speed internet so I continue to give them my money

44. I bowled in a league in junior high and high school

45. my average was between a 160 and 180

46. I have read every Wolverine Comic Book

47. I'm not a fan of glittery vampires that can be out in the day

48. but I read the Twilight books

49. and I can't wait to see the birthing scene in the new movie (hopefully it's as gory as I picture from the books)

50. I have tried to stop smoking 4 times

51. I'm smoking a cigarette right now

52. I once spent a day off watching all of the Star Trek movies in order

53. I believe Star Trek: The Motion Picture is one of the worst movies of all time

54. I quote movies quite often.

55. I once had a 30 minute conversation with someone where every line I said was a movie quote

56. and the person I was talking to had no clue

57. I bit my fingernails until I was 25

 

58. I think I might end up being one of those crazy cat ladys

59. I want to join roller derby

60. I have 5 tattoos

61. one of them covers my entire back

62. I played the trumpet in 6th grade because they said my hands were to small to play the sax

63. I'm ambidextrous (but I don't use my left hand very often)

64. I like a little pain with my pleasure

65. I text more than I talk on the phone

66. I hate when people drive below the speed limit. It makes me scream. Literally.

67. I'm addicted to Netflix. I canceled my cable because I never watch TV

anymore.

68. When I was 16 I had front row center stage tickets to Metallica and my mom wouldn't let me go because it was too dangerous

69. several years later she bought me 8 tickets to make up for it

70. I like the smell of gasoline

71. I have a scar on my nose from when my brother hit me in the head with a fence post (accident)

72. I don't like seafood

73. I took 4 years of Spanish in high school but I only remember the things I used after that (kitchen talk)

74. my first job was Sonic. I worked there for 6 1/2 years

75. I've never had a formal job interview. I was hired before filling out an application at all 4 jobs I've had.

76. I prefer to have the toilet paper roll over the top of the roll

77. Every couple of years I cut off all of my hair and donate it to locks of love

78. my mom's lake house is my favorite place in the world

79. I used my very first paycheck to buy Metallica's Binge and Purge Live shit box set. It cost $108.25. My paycheck was $128.23.

80. I love going to the theater

81. I never watched lost

82. I'm quite disturbed with how Heroes ended. I was really looking forward to seeing how they were going to clean up Claire's little exhibition

83. I don't believe in aliens but I believe in the possibility of life on other planets... if that makes any sense.

84. I don't chew gum

85. I always find a way to kill plants. Not on purpose. I just can't seem to keep them alive.

86. I can pretty much duplicate anything just by looking at it. except people. I can't draw peole

87. I love to cook

88. I've never had stitches

89. I went skydiving when I was 19.

90. I loved Dean Koontz's book Demon Seed. Although I still think I will never get a high tech security system in my house out of fear that it might take over and try to impregnate me...

91. I drink a Red Bull almost every day at lunch

92. I have arthritis in my ankle, knees, and back but I still try to be active and do things my body doesn't want me to do

93. I sleep flat on my back and don't usually move

94. I've had the same watch for 7 years

95. I haven't grown since I was 13

96. I love thunderstorms

97. I have played pool since I was about 13 and have won lots of money doing so. mostly because I a short little girl who nobody sees coming, but I haven't played much the last few months.

98. my android phone has made my computer less active.

99. I rarely eat breakfast

100. I love How I Met Your Mother. It's legen... wait for it... dary...